Message from Marcia - The Booklet

This booklet, of course, answers both those questions.

As of this writing, I am 65, single, and the happiest I’ve ever been. I want to share with you how this has come about with the hope that what I have learned in my personal life and from my 20-year career as a matchmaker will inspire others to have similar successes.

In my 20 years of matchmaking, I feel like I’ve seen it all—thousands of dates and hundreds of successful couples. However, I’ve also had to handle the disappointment many experience from not finding a mate.

My message (actually, messages) are especially relevant to older women, but I’m hoping people of all ages and both sexes will learn something from what I share herein.

Following is a brief background given so that no one thinks I am a perfect person who has had a storybook life and model marriage. What I have had is a lot of experience with men and dating and relationship problems.

A significant incident occurred when I was seven. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, I could not tolerate my younger sister. If she touched me, I would throw a fit. It was weird. No one understood it, least of all me; I just figured I was a bad person and introverted accordingly. For the next seven to eight years, I dramatized this “psychosis.”

Then one day when I was fifteen I read about reincarnation and the law of karma. Right away I realized I was in trouble! Eight years of bad acts was surely going to come back to me somehow somewhere sometime. I knew I should change, but how do you change your emotions?

Fortunately, that intention to change had an amazing effect. The next day the “psychosis” miraculously disappeared… as instantly as it had appeared years before!! Many years later I came to understand what happened. It was good that I had taken responsibility and not blamed her—a lesson that relates to Marcia’s message.

Regarding my dating experiences, in college and graduate school nearly every fellow I dated ended up having to move away for some reason. Then, fortunately, I found an applied philosophy that has worked very well for me. It was, no doubt, due to my studies and the spiritual counseling I received that I actually met someone, got married, and he did NOT go away! However, after five years, we both realized we were not a good match and got an amicable divorce.

Mac and Betsy with daughters
Marcia, Jane and little Lockie

In 1988 I started a dating service, The Affinity Exchange. This coincided with my own divorce and search for a good match. Thus I lived the dating “drama” from more than one viewpoint—my own, and others.

For 20 years now I have been reading profiles. To borrow from the world of music, it is like theme and variations. The theme is pretty much the same. Women tend to want men who are financially stable (ideally affluent), monogamous, ethical, caring, loving, good communicator, etc. etc. Men tend to want women who are attractive, loving, supportive, good mothers and homemakers, etc. etc.

Older women who join dating services usually start out very optimistic, but after awhile, they become disappointed and discouraged. One complaint is that older men want younger women. I remind them that since beings have had bodies, men have been programmed to copulate with young women. Why? It’s part of the survival programming of the body so as to perpetuate the genetic line. That is to say, for the race to survive, there must be more bodies created.

Similarly, women have been programmed to want affluent men--again, an understandable survival phenomena. An affluent mate will be better able to provide for the children.

Marcia in Affinity Exchange
party dress

Very early in my career as a matchmaker, I became aware of the problem of there not being enough older men who were a match for the many older women. For one thing, there are not as many older men, period. (For proof, check the data in census reports.) Of the older men who DO exist, many are not comparable to the women.

Let me interject, here and now, that THE WORLD IS FULL OF WONDERFUL MEN. Thing is, most of them are married. What I witnessed was that when such a man joined a dating service, it was not long before he found a mate.

Older women would sign up with great expectations, then in a fairly short space of time would be disappointed and come to me asking for help. When I was dating, I did not experience disappointment. Why? Because my expectations were realistic from having the vantage point of a matchmaker. Disappointment comes from mis-assessment. Take a look at times you have been disappointed. You probably said, “But I thought that….,” or “But I assumed that ….” Assumptions very often lead to mis-assessments. You did not correctly assess the data. Very likely this is because you did not HAVE all the data.

Here’s an example: You want to buy a house. You surf the web and find a website advertising “thousands of listings – all price ranges.” Sounds good, so you pay the $100 membership fee and start searching. Turns out that although there ARE thousands of listings, the number of listings that sort of meet your criteria are only about 5! You’re disappointed. The dating service experience can be similar in that although there are thousands of members, the number who meet your criteria may be relatively limited.

Sometimes when I shared my observations and viewpoints with disappointed ladies, they would accuse me of not having a positive attitude, or something to that effect. But my viewpoint is that the first step in solving any problem is to fully confront it (confront meaning to face up to, look at fully).

Who would be most aware of this problem? Obviously matchmakers and those who own/run dating services. It would probably be difficult to get statistics out of them, as these statistics might not be good for their marketing or public relations image. In doing customer service daily for thousands of singles, I know whereof I speak because I seldom get complaints from men about being disappointed.

There were times when this problem got me down so much that I considered quitting the business. But I’m not a quitter and instead became more and more determined to better understand the problem and work to help solve it. My realizations led to my desire to help people by putting forth some true information about the situation.

At first I thought the issue was “the problem with men.” But, in the end, I view it more as “the problems that men face”—actually, that we all face.

It’s not just a problem with men. Women have problems too. For example, men would probably complain that women are too materialistic, too demanding, and too controlling, among other complaints. And the problems of one tie into the problems of the other.

We live in a paradoxical age, the paradox being that our current “civilization” is technologically advanced, which leads people to believe that we are sociologically, emotionally, culturally, and spiritually advanced. But a close look proves otherwise. In this age of moon shots and computer wizardry, people’s health is deteriorating, and mankind itself is threatened on many fronts—nuclear annihilation, climate change, economic suppression, political/governmental suppression, etc. The world still has slavery, torture, drugs, criminality, war and insanity.

An Affinity Exchange couple

"Hey, you guys! What kind of a
world am I inheriting?!

The situation has been a long time in the making. If our men are not ideal, it’s because our world is far from ideal. Who’s responsible for that? WE are--ALL of us.

The point I’m trying to get across is: WE did not fix these problems years—nay, eons—ago. WE did not create a sane civilization, one that would last for generations and eons--one that would encourage men to be men and women to be women, and one that grants basic rights and the freedom to enjoy the fruits of one’s labors.

Part of my mission includes helping people to find a good match and learn how to create a good marriage so that they can stay married.

Although people are basically good, they are often very imperfect. Thus I’m in favor of good personal counseling and good marriage counseling as needed. People can change for the better. I have seen it with my own eyes!

We need to learn to be less critical of and more helpful to our partners (and our fellow man). If you can’t solve the problems yourself, ask who you can turn to for help? Divorce, I feel, should occur only when the continuation of the marriage would truly be detrimental to the partners and any children.

The experiences I’ve had and the knowledge I have gained since age fifteen have corroborated the viewpoint that man is a spiritual entity who has a mind and a body. This entity picks up, or enters into, a [baby] body, lives a life, drops the body, picks up another one and lives another life. Man (the spiritual entity) is an immortal being. I keep coming back to this because it makes such a difference when you know you’re coming back. For instance, it makes ME very interested in handling societal problems so that I don’t return to a suppressive society lacking in freedom.

Another way this viewpoint adds to my happiness is knowing that I have been married and had children countless lifetimes! If I take a few years to improve myself and Mankind before plunging back into the relationship/family game… what’s 20-30 years to an immortal being?! This viewpoint helps take the seriousness out of the game.

And, by the way, I figured I could try to help balance the male to female body ratio by being a man next time around. Instead of bitching, I’ll be a guy and try to be an ideal man. I’m always up for a challenge!

Here’s what I’m thinking would be good for my next lifetime:

Before "transitioning"...

...after "transitioning"

Be born as a male in a place like maybe Italy, or Kenya, or Costa Rica, or Montana
Learn sports, fencing, martial arts
Learn survival skills (hunting, fishing, tracking, growing food)
Learn how to build a house, if rudimentary
Learn the basics (reading, writing, ‘rithmetic)
Learn computer skills
Learn management skills so I could run a business and/or a government
Get schooled in the Arts
Learn how to create—and continue to create—a relationship
Learn philosophical truths that are applicable in life
Continue to become more spiritually enlightened

Okay. Back to my story…

It was, as I recall, the sixth year into the business that I met and fell for a really great guy. The first date led to a second, which was about to lead to a third when he ended the courtship, giving my advanced age (50) as the reason. I was devastated! Despite my grief, I realized it was time to really CONFRONT the scene and figure some things out.

It was real to me that if an older man was in good shape—physically, emotionally, financially—he could HAVE a younger woman. This is not necessarily the same scenario when you switch around the gender—that is, even though an older woman has her act together, just the fact that her body is aging usually causes a man to reject her.

Whose fault is it if I am 50 and single? Mine. Bottom line: I’m responsible for the condition I’m in. I did not get it right early on. No one told me what most men are looking for—that is, women who are warm, loving, supportive, good homemakers, cook, mother, etc. I recall one author describing some wonderful woman that every man wanted to be with as “love with skin around it.” That’s my goal. It’s my continuing program of spiritual study and counseling that I feel will help me achieve this goal. Because counseling addresses the spiritual being, the advancement carries through from one lifetime to another. You CAN take it with you! That was a joyful realization!

It was time to work out what I should do to have a fulfilling life without a mate. The result of my evaluation of the situation led me to come up with the following:

Take full responsibility for the condition you’re in. If you’re older and single, do not blame the other sex. Blame is never a solution to a problem.

Create enough income to allow you to have the important things in life, both tangible and intangible.

Search for truth. Real truth brings understanding. Understanding leads to heightened ability to love and help your fellow man.

Find out what is needed and wanted by the people that you are attracted to. Try to meet those needs. For example, if you are a woman and the men who interest you are attracted to beautiful slender women, then do everything possible to make yourself beautiful and slender—or so incredible and loving that they don’t mind the extra pounds or less than perfect features. If you are a man and the women you want are attracted to affluent men, then work hard to be affluent—or worthy of respect for an occupation of service to your fellow man.

Keep in mind that love that lasts consists in greatest part of respect and admiration.

Fill your life with productive, fulfilling activity. Find out what really makes you happy and pursue it. Remember that sex is a very tiny portion of life. HELPING OTHERS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS. Continue to create lots of friendships. Outflow love. Give and contribute in as many ways as possible to as many people as possible.

Since the major drawback to being single is the prospect of loneliness, consider finding and having a roommate of the same sex who is a very close friend. That way you’re not alone but have someone special to share things with.

HELPING IS THE
KEY TO HAPPINESS!

At age 60, I realized that the problems I faced regarding my ability to sustain a good relationship were such that it might take me many years of spiritual counseling to get me to where I need to be to be a really good mate. It was obvious I should apply my own advice and use my dating service to look for a companion.

I made of list of women who I considered potential companions. A “companion,” from my viewpoint, would be a lady who, if we were of the opposite sex, I would consider marrying. It would not, of course, be a sexual relationship, and we would not be officially bound by certificates and laws. We would always be free to move out or move on. But I was looking for someone where the affinity, reality, and communication would be so high that we could both consider being together for the rest of our lives. If one of us needed help, we could count on the other person to help us out. We would live together and share the difficult times and the fun times.

Also please know that I have not ruled out the possibility of having a relationship with a man. If I met someone and we were truly an item, I would enter into and create the relationship. Meanwhile, I know what to do to be happy and fulfilled.

Marcia and Friend

Marcia’s viewpoint: The situation has been a long time in coming and is not a quick fix. Who knows how long it may take to achieve an ideal scene, but there ARE solutions and the sooner we start applying them, the better.

Most of us would agree, I think, that people need communication. Part of an ideal scene would be to have one or more persons under the same roof as yourself with whom you have extra good communication.

My viewpoint is that older people should not live alone, yet many older people do not want to live with their children or relatives. If this is workable, I encourage it. If not, then turn to the Message from Marcia website for guidance.

Many dating services allow you to contact other members for friendship as well as romantic relationships. There are also websites for finding roommates. The dating services are probably better because there is more data on a profile which helps in finding a good match in either a mate or a companion.

The ideal scene, Plan A, is to find a mate (person of the opposite sex; romantic relationship). Finding a companion is Plan B. You can live Plan B while continuing to pursue Plan A. Or just be happy with Plan B.

My intention is that this booklet/website becomes popular and well known so that people can write in their profiles “I’m doing the Message-from-Marcia thing,” and everybody will understand. Then simply go about looking for a companion in a way similar to looking for a romantic partner. The courtship would be similar.

Please understand that finding a companion is a substitute for finding a mate and is only put forth here as a temporary solution to make life more livable while working to solve the underlying issues that prevent a more ideal scene wherein marriages are good and lasting.

Two are better than one ..

Let’s assume that you have succeeded (or will succeed) in finding either a mate or a companion and are doing well on the home front.

Now you can add to that happiness by working to help fix societal ills. There is LOTS of volunteer, or paid non-profit type work to be done that is very fulfilling. The primary reason that I am happier now than I have ever been is that my life is spent helping others. There is nothing more fulfilling than that.

Following is a short list of broad societal problems:

Problems with government

Problems with economics and world hunger

Problems with job availability

Problems with education

Problems with drugs and crime

Problems with the environment

Problems with international relations

Helping with elections

Obviously, one person alone cannot solve these problems, but a large number of like-minded people working together CAN make a difference. Gradients apply… one small step after another.

The Message from Marcia website will similarly utilize the power of the internet to enlighten and connect people in a way that will allow them to accomplish otherwise daunting goals.

One of my goals is to help sort out true data from false data, as solutions based on true data have more workability. I welcome help with this challenge.

Civilizations have come and gone. Dark ages have occurred. But man does have the ability to solve his problems. Help stop the dwindling spiral of civilization and create a world that you and your fellow man can come back to and have a better life.

I suggest you look over the above problem areas and ask yourself what area appeals to you most. Then go to other sections of www.Message-from-Marcia.com and/or surf the web to find out how you can best help.

How about an organic garden
for the community...?

MESSAGE FROM MARCIA

To summarize, what ARE Marcia’s messages?

(1) If you’re having trouble finding a mate of the
opposite sex, then consider finding a companion of
the same sex so as to have a team foundation from
which to work to solve the bigger problems.

You can do this (Plan B) while continuing,
if you wish, to pursue finding a mate (Plan A.)

(2) Get busy helping others.
HAPPINESS COMES FROM HELPING!

Work towards taking responsibility for
the problems you see around you.
Pick your area and DO something about it!

What can you do to help make men better men,
Women better women, and relationships more lasting?

The website is where to go for specifics.
It will have advice on many topics, from how to choose
a mate/companion to how to handle a government!
The website will be continuously created
so as to be as helpful as possible.

This booklet and website have been created
to act as a guide for what YOU can do to help move
the existing scene towards a more ideal scene.

NOW, PLEASE GO TO THE OTHER SECTIONS OF

www.Message-from-Marcia.com

May your life be ever happier and more fulfilled!

Love, Marcia

YOUR HELP IS NEEDED!