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“I want to find the perfect match.” How many times have I heard
this, having been in the matchmaking business for 20 years?!
It sorta makes me shudder. Why? I guess because it hits my
“unreality” button. Well, it’s probably not a button. It’s probably
because I consider that “perfect matches” in this day and age on
this planet are pretty rare.
I must say that there are a lot of marriages from the Affinity
Exchange dating service that are doing very well over long periods
of time. Then, on the other side of the coin, the service has been
around long enough for me to have witnessed some breakups. (Happily
the percentage is WAAAAAAY below societal norms.)
I prefer the term “good workable relationship”, or something along
those lines.
How does one define a “workable relationship”? Various ways, of
course. But one that I came up with was a relationship in which the
times the partners make each other happy are more than the times
they make each other unhappy. Just do the math!
Few people are “perfect.” So I encourage people in a courtship to
ask themselves if they can live with the other person’s
imperfections. The courtship should go on long enough for those
imperfections to manifest. Thus one can determine if they are
“livable withable,” or not.
Another piece of advice: If the relationship does not work AS YOU
[BOTH] ARE, end it, rather than assuming the imperfections will be
handled. They probably will… some day… but remind yourself that you
don’t know when or how long it will take.
This leads to another piece of advice: I suggest that in your
profiles you refrain from going on and on about all the incredible
qualities you are looking for in your ideal mate. By all means put
these in your own personal ideal scene writeup. But keep your
profile more open, like: “Woman. Looking for man.” (Tee hee. Joke.
Sort of…)
Happy courting!
Love, Marcia |
